Clouds are prophet eaters or camouflaged spaceships.
What a terrible ungracious way to go as he lifted up and all underneath saw his whatsit. Did they know he was God by his size, was Jesus trying to outdo the burning bush with the floating sausage, was he really that pro feminist......something for the women 😏😏😏😏😏😏😏
Did Jesus prepare his flight putting on some underwear,???
Was playing a prank on us , the last thing Jesus wanted his closest people to see was his manhood, a wonderful memory, was he a flasher, or was it to make Mary Magdalene always remember what she was losing.
Imagine the last thing you remember Jesus by is his hairy butt crack. Those middle eastern people are quite hairy, have you seen the beards on sheikhs, they look like a well trained beaver is posing around their mouths.
In the cloud was there a portal, why did god block humans from seeing what was happening?
Obviously there were secrets god had, that he didn't want his people to know about, why would god keep secrets from us? Conspiracy theorist say VIDEO clouds camouflage alien spaceships. Is Jesus therefore an alien?
The big books says, two men appeared suddenly beside the apostles, as they watched Jesus flashing, were they there for the show as well, to watch the first up-skirt, were these angels dirty perverts measuring up Jesus.
Angels don't usually appear in human form. They have in the bible appeared as a burning bush, mistaken for god. The only bush I like to see burn is a 70-s porn star on speed.
God does not appear, he can't, he is everything, everything doesn't coagulate into a bush, his immiseries represent him, and can be confused for god.
You would have thought by the time Jesus floated up to his spaceship the apostles would have been acquainted with his antics, why would the suddenly need angels to appear.
Why did angels need to take the form of humans, what is wrong with being proud of who you are. You can talk about Michael Jackson changing his colour as freakish, but angels changing their physicality is a couple of notches up in the body Dysmorphia gage, does not heaven have psychologists for angels. This story seems to have been fabricated or his disciples were not competent to understand the spiritual worlds,l and suddenly needed aids in the form of angels to reassure them, therefore they were not trained very well and were not used to this magic, which then begs the question did Jesus actually do all these miracles.
Jesus went to heaven to sit at the right hand of god. How do we know god is not left handed. Is that why Catholics hated left handed people, I kid you not, they used to make left handed kids write with the right hand causing trembling and stuttering in the kid for life.
If god was perfect and loved us all, god would be ambidextrous and a bisexual hermaphrodite. That way women wouldn't feel left out. He should be changed to HESHE, I wonder how long before the LGTB community get trans rage on pronouns in the bible, and claim god is sexist, because obviously if God is everything and more than 50 percent of humans are women, god can't be all man.
Since god is not a person, I know that because no person could fuck the earth up this badly, the bible is personifying him, which means the bible is not literal, bye bye fundamentalists
Jesus can not sit at god's right hand because Jesus is god and you can't sit at your own right hand. Maybe Jesus is sitting on his right hand because heaven is cold, being the opposite of hell.
Why would god want to sit on his right hand when he judges people, is it a divine fetish.
When spirits go back to their dimension from visiting us, they do not float upward, they open portals and slip though. Ghost appear and disappear, they don't float upward. Space in other dimensions does not exist the same we we understand. Travel in the upper dimensions, uses thought, whereby you instantly appear.
Heaven a cording to the Bible apparently exists upwards, it is a physical place with a GPS setting!!!!!. Location in other dimensions have no relationship to earth's. North in 7 dimension does not exist as North in 3rd dimension.
Theologian James Dunn describes the ascension as at best a puzzle and at worst an embarrassment.
The ascension has been created, because it fits the cosmological setting of the universe in Bible writers time's, which also states the bottom of heaven is made from lapis lazuli supporting pillars made for god's throne. Armstrong never reported lapis lazuli in heaven, maybe he flew past too fast, it's impossible it doesn't exist.
If there is no throne for Jesus to sit on as was proved to us by Armstrong when he landed on the moon, it means Jesus is not doing his job to judge the living and the dead. If no one is doing that job, the good are going to hell and the bad are going to heaven.
IF the is pandemonium in the other dimensions, god does not have his house in order, therefore he can't be a very good god, which means why are we following him
There is a broad consensus among scholars that the brief ascension account in the Gospel of Mark (Mark 16:19) is a later addition to the original version of that gospel.[14]
Wait a minute, I know where Jesus is. It says in the bible Jesus rose into heaven, not belted up, or took off, he rose. Rising is like an elevator. Elevators go at 5-22 per hour.
Jesus left us when he was 33 that is 2019-33=1986 years ago.
1986x365 day is 724,890 days x 24 your is 17.397.360 hours
The average of 6-22 mph is 14mph
17.397.360 hours x14 mph= 243.563.040 miles Jesus has gone since his ascension
Jesus is somewhere between mercury and Jupiter.
It takes 600 days to get to Jupiter, so we could get to Jesus in about a year if we can find the flight trajectory.
The furthest we can see into space is 10 billion light years, and heaven is nowhere in sight, so it is obviously beyond that figure, now traveling at 20 miles an hour for 10 billion light years is …...
All I can tell you, Jesus won't be doing any judging for a hell of a long time.
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